Is good bad or is bad good?

Ever wish there was something you could change that you know you have no power to control? Like bringing someone back that you really miss, winning the lottery, or your past? Yea, I feel like that too. Especially right now, I wish for all three. I really want my grandpa back, it’s been two years since he left this world, but the pain still feels as fresh as if it happened just yesterday. I wish for the lottery because my mom could really use the money; between my dead-beat dad not paying child support, my brother graduating, the other with autism, and me in college, there just isn’t enough to go around. And my past, that’s just a long winding dark path of horrible and traumatizing memories that I wish I could just erase and never think about it again. They say the past is there to help build character and make a person stronger, but my past is just a never ending nightmare that bleeds into the days of the present and future. It’s kinda funny how when things around you start to be going good that all the bad things come to light and no matter how happy the time you can’t help but feel down. My brother is graduating in a few days and my grandparents from Hawaii are coming into town and a very good friend comes back into your life and all you can think about is the sad and discomforting thoughts swirling around in your head, when you should be focusing on the positive things around you. Makes me wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me and my mental state…