Ever wish there was something you could change that you know
you have no power to control? Like bringing someone back that you really miss,
winning the lottery, or your past? Yea, I feel like that too. Especially right
now, I wish for all three. I really want my grandpa back, it’s been two years
since he left this world, but the pain still feels as fresh as if it happened just
yesterday. I wish for the lottery because my mom could really use the money; between
my dead-beat dad not paying child support, my brother graduating, the other
with autism, and me in college, there just isn’t enough to go around. And my
past, that’s just a long winding dark path of horrible and traumatizing
memories that I wish I could just erase and never think about it again. They
say the past is there to help build character and make a person stronger, but
my past is just a never ending nightmare that bleeds into the days of the
present and future. It’s kinda funny how when things around you start to be
going good that all the bad things come to light and no matter how happy the
time you can’t help but feel down. My brother is graduating in a few days and
my grandparents from Hawaii are coming into town and a very good friend comes
back into your life and all you can think about is the sad and discomforting
thoughts swirling around in your head, when you should be focusing on the positive
things around you. Makes me wonder if there is something seriously wrong with
me and my mental state…
